Wordless Wednesday

BREAKING NEWS!!!

And it is super duper exciting! We have finally found something that Titus WILL NOT eat. Can you believe it?


So this is what Mama found when she gotted out of the shower yesterday morning:



Titus had struck again. First, he chewed up the granola bar box (no granola bars were harmed - thank cod). Then Mama looked over to the left of the box. At first, she thought it was a puke pile. But on closer inspection, she realized that he had chewed the top off of a bottle of salad dressing. She admits that her first reaction was to sigh and wonder when the 'tocks trouble would start. But she did what she does in these situations - assess the damage and amount consumed so that she has good info for when she has to make those embarrassing calls to the v-e-t. She scooped as much back into the bottle as she could and then measured it and it didn't look like much was gone. She held out a gooey, salad-dressingy hand to Titus to see if he'd lick it and he wouldn't. Mama could not believe her eyes. Mr. Harvey Woofnagle does not like green goddess dressing! She did a little dance and gave Titus a big smooch between the froot bats. All in all, it turned out to be a good day: no embarrassing calls to the v-e-t, no 'tocks trouble, no puke piles, and we learned something new about our Titus. hee hee

Happy Wednesday, everybuddy!

Love,
Tazo

Titus on Tuesday: A Defense (and a Tattle)

Let me ask you - is this the face of a criminal???

As you may or may not have heard (if your parents are on that awful Facebook), I was accused of bunn-icide on Sunday (a charge which was later changed to bun-napping after the victim bunny hopped away). But it's soooo not as bad as Mom made it out to be.

See, Mom let me in from outside and didn't notice that there was something in my mouth. Dad pointed out that there were legs hanging from my mouth and Mom tried to get me to go back outside. When I wouldn't go, *she* ran outside, screaming like a little girl. Dad finally got me outside and Mom saw the legs and started running around and screaming. Since it looked like she was playing a super fun game of RAWR, I started chasing her. It was so much fun, but apparently she didn't think it was nearly as fun as I did. She wouldn't stop screaming so Dad told her to go back in the house.

A few minutes later, she came back out with a tasty treat, but I wouldn't drop the legs even for that. In fact, as soon as I saw her, I ran over to show her what I had. Which started the whole running around screaming thing again. Which got me all excited and I started chasing her. hehe Dad sent her back in the house and told her not to come back out. hehe

I finally dropped the legs and Dad noticed that it was a little bunny. He took me in the house and gave me a piece of delicious jerky to distract me and went back outside to see about the bunny. He came back in and told Mom that it was just sitting on the patio, covered in dawg spit. He went to the garage to get something to move it with (or for something way more sad that Mom doesn't even want to think about). By the time he got back, it was hopping away. It hopped under the fence into the neighbor's yard. He said it seemed fine - no limping, no nothing else gross or sad that Mom doesn't want to think about.

Needless to say, Mom was not that thrilled with me. I got a lecture about bunnies and the whole we-do-not-eat-bunnies-they-are-our-friends and we had to go over the whole Feet and Tails Rule. AGAIN. Sheesh. I got checked for fleas (sheesh, eat one bunny a long time ago and bring in a ton of fleas and they never forget it). Any time I go outside now, there's someone standing there - watching me do my stuff and making sure that I don't eat anything. I have not had a good smooch from Mom since early Sunday afternoon. I think I've been punished enough - especially when I didn't do anything wrong.

See, I didn't kill the bunny. He wasn't even harmed. I didn't even bun-nap him. I was just bringing him inside so that we could be friends. Yep, that's it.

Mom did say she was grateful that I didn't drop the bunny in the house - she thinks it would have been mayhem. hehe

Anyway, I DID NOT kill or bun-nap anyone. Mr Bun was my new friend and he wanted to live with us. That is my story and I'm sticking to it.

As for the tattling part - After the whole bunny incident, Mom made Dad take her to the b-a-r and she drank lots of adult beverages to "steady her nerves". And she's taking to calling me "Bitus" - like *I* have an evil twin now.

Mancat Monday

Let's just say that compared to what a certain white dawg did yesterday, nothing me or Hurl Grey could do would even come close. He shouldn't have read that post about Matsui. Just sayin'.

Thursday Thirteen - Edition 66

Since my latest indiscriminant competitive eating incident last week (which appears as #13 on the list), Mom has been thinking of all the things that I've eaten since I was Gotcha'd 8 years ago. Takeru Kobayashi ain't got nothin' on me. (Please note: Mom doesn't think that this is a complete list - she's almost positive she's blocking out a few more of these horrible memories. hehe)

1. My very first shot at competitive eating (and this one holds a special place in my heart): 6 pounds of prescription dawg food (that didn't belong to our family), a dozen sugar cookies, and part of a wooden broom handle. Twice. In the same day. I won't go into details on how it was twice (for those with weak stomachs), but use your imagination. hehe Mom took me to the v-e-t because my tummy was all poochy and she was worried about bloat. They tried to make me puke, but I refused to give it up again. The v-e-t was amazed. hehe

2. Aluminum foil and corn cobs (2 whole corn cobs, if you're counting)

3. Various animals in the back yard. We won't go into detail. This one makes Mom real sad, but I keep reminding her that I haven't done this since Shadow (the Dawg Who Came Before) wented to the Bridge.

4. A box of chocolate pudding powder

5. All of the mulberries that fell off the tree in the backyard (or were on the branches that I could reach) - I ate as much as I could until I got caught

6. Multiple Clif bars

7. Two pounds of kitteh kibble

8. Kitty box crunchies (This is my go-to whenever I feel like I need a little variety in my diet. It has never failed me. hehe)

9. 20 oz box of raisin bran (In retrospect, this wasn't the greatest idea I've ever had, but it was delicious!)

10. 1/2 a bar of Ivory soap (Not that delicious, but my puke was very interesting - and bubbly)

11-12. 50 salmon oil pills and an entire box of Lucky Charms (on the same day - I even impressed myself with this one)

13. Two 90 count bottles of the supplement that I take every day. After a panicked call to the manufacturer and much freaking out on Mom's part, all I ended up with was some really stinky gas and a day's worth of 'tocks trouble. The lady at the manufacturer told Mom that someone had called in because their dawg had eaten most of a 1000 tablet bottle and was ok (though she said she didn't recommend doing that). Mom felt lots better that I wasn't the only one who does this sort of thing. Plus she was relieved that we didn't have to go to the v-e-t this time. She says she gets really embarrassed when she has to call them because I've eaten something and she's afraid they'll call the Furry Kid Protection Services on her. She's such a worry-wart. I've got it all under control. Sort of. I hope JH (my life coach) doesn't read this.

Thoughts on Thursday: A PSA

By Titus Theodore

I am thinking that it wasn't that great of an idea to eat like 50 of Dad's salmon oil pills yesterday morning. I just thought you all should know that in case anyone was thinking of chowing down on anything like that. Thank you.

Your pal,
Titus

PS - JH, I'm sorry. They just smelled so darn good. Please don't be disappointed in me.


The Mom's note: *Somekitty* (and I'm told it's the evil twin) knocked the bottle on the floor and Titus chewed it open and ingested some of the pills. I called the Dawg ER and was told to induce vomiting. I induced, he did his part, and neither of us will ever be the same. I won't go into details, but it was pretty gross (which probably says a lot since I'm (unfortunately) very used to having to make him vomit) and that smell seems to be stuck in my nose. Anyway, we accounted for 45-48 of the pills and all is well. The tech at the ER was very polite and tried really hard not to laugh when I called. When I called him back to let him know that our mission was successful, he didn't try that hard any more and was laughing right out loud. Count on the Furry Kids to make someone's day. I'm just glad that I didn't have to call our regular v-e-t. They've come to expect this kind of call from us and don't even try not to laugh any more.

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