Thursday Thirteen - Edition 63

Titus here. It was a terrible weekend, my friends. Just terrible. A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad weekend. Here goes:

1. That Woman and That Dude (you know, those people who I thought LOVED me) were all super nice to me on Saturday. I got lots and lots of cuddles and scritches. Then they got my harness and leash out. Oh, yeah. We're going to the park.

2. We did not go to the park. We went to Dunk'n Dawgs. Do you know what that is? Because I sure didn't. I thought it was like Dunk'n Donuts or something. There were no donuts there, I tell you. It's a place for BATHS.

3. There were kittens running all over the BATH place. Kittens AND BATHS? It's almost too much for one dawg to take. But all the kittens were rescues and needed forever homes, so it was ok. But this one grey kitten was eyeing my ears. I tried to stay as far away as possible from him. He didn't have a forever home so I tried to keep That Woman away from him and his greyness. She has a weakness for grey kittens, you know.

4. That Dude lifted me up into a BATHtub and hooked me up to a tether so that I couldn't jump out. I used to think that he always had my back. I was wrong about that. Then, HORROR OF HORRORS, That Woman and That Dude sprayed me with water. And then dumped soap all over me. CHERRY-FLAVORED SOAP. They scrubbed and scrubbed and rinsed and rinsed and rinsed. THE CHERRY FLAVOR WOULD NOT COME OFF.

5. They attempted to dry me off with towels, but I shook and shook and shook and sprayed water all over them. hehehe

6. I thought we were ready to leave, but then they took me to another room and turned on a giant rug sucking monster. Only it blew air ON me instead of sucking up my furs. It was horrible. It floofed up my furs and made me all poofy. I did not like it. That Woman kept giggling about how she should have brought some gel with her to help tame my furs. Very funny, lady. Very funny.

7. We got back in the car and drove around for a while. They bought me a burger, thinking that that would make up for it. (It kinda did, but don't tell them.) That Woman kept apologizing, but I just kept giving her dirty looks. She kept telling me how handsome I was and how great I smelled and how soft my furs were now. I wasn't buying it.

8. We finally got home and as soon as we walked in the door, the twins started sniffing and sniffing me. Apparently, CHERRY-FLAVORED dawgs are pretty tasty, because EG sure kept trying to chomp on my delicious, pink ears. It sucked.

9. I spent all day on Sunday trying to avoid having my ears chomped. Usually, I like to catch up on my naps on Sunday, especially when the Motor City Kitties are playing. But I couldn't relax. I had to keep up a constant vigil in order to protect my delicious, pink ears.

10. On Monday, they tooked me to the V-E-T. Something about a 6 month geezer dawg check up, but whatever. That sucked, too.

11. Dr C promised that I didn't have to have any shots, but she still STOLED MY BLOODS. And then she told That Woman and That Dude to BRUSH MY TEETHS. 3 TIMES A WEEK. :sigh:

12. They talked about my indiscriminant competitive eating and how That Woman has furry kid-proofed the whole house but I still find cool stuff to eat (like soap - Dr C and That Woman laughed and laughed about my Ivory soap incident).

13. We finally got to leave. They bought me another burger to try to kiss up, but that's not the point. Weekends are supposed to be fun: cuddling, eating, sleeping, cuddling, sleeping, eating, sleeping, etc. They are not supposed to be filled with torture and BATHS and reverse rug sucking monsters and grey kittens and stoled bloods and the threat of having your delicious pink ears chomped. I don't think I was ever so glad to have That Woman go back to work. Because once she did, I climbed into her bed and got her freshly washed sheets all sandy. hehehe